I Love Her Till The Last Beat Of My Heart! In memory of my mother.
It suppose to take 3 hours operation for my mom, we have decided to do total knee replacement operation due to severe pain she had in her knees. I constantly calling my brother which was outside of operation room waiting for doctor giving us the good news. After four hours, there was no news, our hearts started to gallop, like the heart of a baby bird in humans hand! they won’t give us the bad news, will they? I couldn’t just imagine that, so just tried to make myself busy by checking emails and Facebook hundred times, and you know it will not work!
After 5 hours somebody showed up and said she got conscious but went unconscious again. They said the chances are poor, as a doctor I know exactly what they try to say, but it cannot happen for my mom, she is our life, our heart.
And half an hour latter they said your mom passed away. And you can’t believe how a beautiful world with mom becomes hell in a blink of an eye. I am a strong man, but when we are talking about mom I am still the little child of her.She left us so unexpectedly and she never said goodbye.
The doctor was Firuz Madady, orthopedist. He never showed up, he never said that he is sorry, he never said that he has done his best. We only expected few good words of him, and maybe a tap on shoulder, but he didn’t take time to do that, that could help us a lot in that situation. He is a very bad doctor, when you have heard his name, just run. I hope he didn’t take the risk to operate both knees together just to make more money, he could’ve reduce the risk by doing the operation separately to reduce the time of anaesthesia.
How can I describe that Moment? it was like the atomic bomb explosion of Hiroshima, it was like the moment a mom loses a child, like the end of the world, it was like my mom lost her mom When she was only 10! was that so terrible?
She is in my heart, in my memories, she is everywhere, I remember her all the times. When I think about love, a pure one, unconditional love. When I want to tell a story, when I eat strawberry and grapes! When I want to call home, when I look at my son, When my wife hugs our son, when somebody changes profile picture to an old woman or just a black picture, when I have a call from home, is it mom? At this times I try not to feel it, I numb! I numb pain, so I numb joy! but we cannot simply numb, this pain never goes away, we just learn how to deal with it, we just adapt. But wait a minute!
Suppose my Mother watching me now! will she be happy? She was the one who cared so much about us! when we felt loved, she felt as well, when we cried she cried, when we laughed she laughed. She has made from pure love. I never wanted to see her sad, and I tried my best to put smile on her face and hope and love on her heart, I must continue this. Make her happy and proud. It is a selfish motive if I am sad, I am sad not because of her, she is resting. It’s me that feel lonely, and miss her so much. I don’t want her to see me sad.
I have started to love my mother from the first beat of my heart, and I will love her until my last beat, the last one, and my heart beats no more, if monitors have the chance to record the last beat, you can see my mom in it. That’s what matters the most. She is alive in my heart, her heart beats whit every beat of my heart.